Today is National Mental Health Day. I choose today to share my journey only because this week was a breaking point for me. If you could imagine a quiet mind, contented feeling. Able to fully concentrate on whatever you are doing now and living in only that moment. That is what it is like to not be depressed. Being in the mental health field, I assumed that this is something I can work on myself. I was ashamed to counsel others and then go to Dr. Nottingham right after my sessions. In addition, if people would ask if I was okay? I would start crying… “I am thinking, what the hell is wrong with you woman?.” I would call it the smiling depression. How many people do you imagine look happy but struggle with depressive thoughts on a daily basis? Typically, depressed people are depicted as being bed-ridden and incapable of functioning. Hence, I always use the campaign “Stop the Stigma”. What may or may not be surprising is, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 10 percent of the United States population is suffering from depression, which is 10 times more than those suffering from bipolar disorder (1 percent) and schizophrenia (1 percent). So back to me,  I suffered with depression not even knowing I did. People talked about my accolades and the honorable mentions, but I honestly was numb to all feelings until I had my daughter. I begin to become more focus and protective over her. Moreover, even with my legal separation, I was a mamma bear to the fullest. That is when my awakening begin, that I had either some existential childhood issues, that needed to be dealt with, with those involved or privately. I never knew about financial budgeting, I did not know about credit scores, or the effect of sex besides “going to hell”. If people think abuse is only physical than they are sadly mistaken, but I did not know that either. My mind has been in a battle since a young age. Therefore, I begin taking courses and finding voids such as education. I began to become licensed in the field that I understood more, mental health. I begin to empower others that I can catch before ending up at age 67 “finally discovering themselves”
Being depressed is not easy to deal with; it completely changes your perception of everything in your life. To be not depressed is to lift the veil of negativity that holds you back from living. This veil contains all of the negative emotions such as sadness, fear and anger. It is hard to lift the veil, but once it is lifted and you get a peak of life without these emotions, you realize how pointless wearing that veil truly is, and how beautiful life is when you look at it through the spectrum of appreciation, excitement, and awe. Everybody is affected by negative emotion, but to not be depressed is to not let these emotions consume your life, and choosing to instead focus on positivity. Every day is a fight against negative thought. To not be depressed is to learn techniques that you can use every day to ensure you are winning that fight. These techniques are different for everybody. For me, I found that being more active and healthy helped, as well as meditating to clear my mind when I find I am being consumed by thought. I also write in a journal to sort out my feelings during times when I am feeling a negative emotion such as fear, anger and sadness. I still feel all of these emotions, but I am not depressed because I have found strategies to help me recover from them super-fast, when those time feel like I was about to lose it. I wanted to share a little of story because there is much more, but I am a face that was clinical diagnose with depression/ptsd and some people would not even know only because of my outside appearance. Today is Mental Health Day, let us begin talking about it and stop the STIGMA. When you get a physical checkup, please go and grab a mental health checkup. As a school administrator currently I do miss the counseling side, but in order for me to help others, I have to help myself...#depressionhasnoimage #thatfeltgood #imnotperfect#imnotrichonlyinthepsirit 
-Signing off,
Mental health counselor/school administrator

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